My Favorite Invite

The first time I met her, I had reason to be terrified. I was pregnant, dating her oldest grandson whom she marveled and she was catholic. She was also the matriarch of the family. Oh and did I mention our first meeting was at her husband’s wake? It was the perfect storm and every butterfly known to mankind was fluttering around in my belly, my pregnant already gurgling, belly.

I saw her across the room. She was weari

ng polka dots. She had salt and pepper hair. She wore a scarf. She was crying. A few of her grown children stood beside her, embracing her. She was outrageously lovely.

Shawn walked ahead assuming I’d follow, but I didn’t want to move. I just wanted to look at her, study her, find any reason to flee. I felt that meeting her at this particular time would cause her more distress. Our baby wasn’t planned, I had yet to meet most of the family, and again…she was catholic. She was the family’s heartbeat.

I feel that anytime you meet someone new, it’s an invitation to learn something new. It's an opportunity to expand your perspective; not just about them, but about yourself as well. Her first impression of me, in my “with unplanned child” state, surely wasn’t presenting who I was, or at least who I thought I was anyway.

Shawn turned around, noticed I wasn’t there and came back to fetch me.

“C’mon” he said. “She won’t bite”.

We approached her slowly and I felt each step was a lashing, like a punishment, because it was shame I felt when meeting her. Then we were there. Shawn leaned in and hugged her.

“Hi my Vernie” he said. “This is Carly. And this is my baby”. And he put his hand on my belly.

I thought for a moment I could get away with her not noticing and he had to go and point it out. I pressed the back of my teeth together and stared at him aggressively. Little did I know, I’d nearly grind my teeth down to the bone, with the number of times I’d give Shawn this look.

“Oh…” she said smiling. “Hello.” She cupped my hands in hers and looked at me. Right at me. Not my belly, not my awkward body, just my face. I leaned in and she hugged me and I hugged her right back. “I’m sorry for your loss.” I said.

“Thank you”, she said, her face in my neck. Every single fear I had dissolved.

In the warmth of her embrace I could remember that familiar unconditional love, I had felt before only from my own grandma, my yia-yia. And I knew, even baby Ryanne knew, that everything, would be okay.

It was the first time since I took the pregnancy test that I was offered an ounce of comfort. It was the first time I had met someone and felt love, unbound.

I knew her only 11 short years. Knowing her was one of the best invitations I ever received.